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| hally | "We have, officially, HT" - Jamie | | |
| hally | Random number generation is too important to be left to chance | | |
| hally | Measure Twice. Cut Once. | | |
| hally | It's all fun and games, until, someone loses an eye. | | |
| Zappally | Keep it simple and then it will get built !! | | |
| Zappally | You mean its time to give him a bloody good british style thrashing?...six of the best..trousers down? | | |
| Alan | "come to kindly terms with your ass, for it bears you" - John Muir | | |
| Kenny | "It's got to be madness" - John Forbes | | |
| billzmybug | I'm not Xenophobic, I just hate the French.... | | |
| Alan | "never cut towards your thumb, always cut towards your chum" - Dougie | | |
| Zappally | measure,measure,cut,grind,test fit,grind, hit/bash,grind,test fit,bash,grind,swear,grind,swear again,bash some more,tack weld,bash,weld...........'there, i told you it fits!' | | |
| Davey | Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. | | |
| Davey | If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now | | |
| Davey | A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. | | |
| martin | Its not unreliable - its called "character"........ | | |
| ni | If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? | | |
| Zappally | A conclusion is the place you reach when you get tired of thinking | | |
| Zappally | The point of mistakes is to keep life interesting | | |
| Zappally | Perseverance makes impossible meaningless | | |
| Zappally | Inspiration comes from every experience of life | | |
| Zappally | If it weren't for the last minute. Nothing would get done | | |
| Davey | How would you like your steak? Cut the horns of it and wipe its A£&% | | |
| bugtastic | if all else fails read the instructions!!!!! | | |
| bugtastic | there's cheap and there's cheap | | |
| bugtastic | nothing succeeds like a toothless budgie | | |
| martin | This car's great - its even got somewhere for my cup of tea in the engine bay | | |
| Alan | There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness" | | |
| Alan | Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark - a large group of professionals built the Titanic | | |
| martin | "It's better than the Bluesmobile - the cigarette lighter's great..." Alex | | |
| Davey | trust no one but your mother and yourself, but always be dubious about yourself | | |
| Davey | age and deciet will always beat youth and skill anyday | | |
| Davey | Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth. | | |
| Davey | The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other guy die for his." | | |
| Zappally | Rules are for fools & the guidance of wise men | | |
| seamonsta | Religious wars are just groups of people fighting over who has the best imaginary friend | | |
| icedmk2 | life is not defined by how many breaths you take, it defined by the times life takes your breath away! | | |
| Jamie | Smile, it confuses people. | | |
| Kenny | The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead! | | |
| Kenny | Sanity is a madness put to good use | | |
| Kenny | Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. | | |
| Kenny | Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. | | |
| Kenny | Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.... | | |
| Kenny | A little knowledge is a dangerous thing! | | |
| Kenny | If in doubt, cut it out! – Keith on bodywork. | | |
| Kenny | Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there. | | |
| mark | one world,one love,one bug | | |
| Jamie | "The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once." Samuel Smiles. | | |
| keith | A Ford fiesta is wrong on so many levels | | |
| Davey | sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope | | |
| Davey | My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." | | |
| Davey | "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. | | |
| Jamie | The internet is so big, so powerful and so pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life. | | |
| keith | If only VWs new cars were built as good as there old ones I would have bought one years ago! | | |
| Kenny | I am not a number - I'm a free man! | | |
| Alan | “There are only three sports: mountain climbing, bull fighting, and motor racing. All the rest are merely games.” Ernest Hemingway | | |
| vwboarderx | There is nothing common about sense | | |
| jigs | " Remember there are 2 ends to that " my dad | | |
| seamonsta | Wisdom usually comes with age, but sometimes age just shows up alone... | | |
| Kenny | The problem with getting old is that you get stiff in the wrong places. | | |
| seamonsta | Good judgment comes from experience - experience comes from bad judgment! | | |
| seamonsta | Never forget that you are totally unique - just like everyone else... | | |
| Davey | I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand. | | |
| Davey | It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop. | | |
| Davey | "The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'." | | |
| Davey | Don't count the days, make the days count | | |
| cisco kid | Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination- oscar wylde | | |
| seamonsta | You can live in your Van, but you can't race your house. | | |
| Kenny | "If you hit the nail on the head, you'll knock it in." - My Dad | | |
| Zappally | The only difference between martydom and suicide is press coverage | | |
| keith | "the older I get the more I realise how little I know and the less I care" | | |
| mkid | same sh*t different day | | |
| mkid | get of your horse and drink your beer | | |
| mkid | get in the back of the van!!! | | |
| cisco kid | I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce | | |
| mkid | how hard can it be | | |
| mkid | you can call me pops | | |
| mkid | i'm just going to chop the roof off | | |
| keith | The older you get, the more interested in history you become, but the less time you have to make some. | | |
| euan scott | "wife asks how much was that ? i say i got it for nothing" | | |
| cisco kid | you're about as much fun as mumps! | | |
| scotlandstu | Electrical things run on smoke, if it gets out they stop working. | | |
| seamonsta | 'Good Character' means doing the right thing even when no-one's looking. | | |
| seamonsta | The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for... | | |
| cisco kid | "have the olympics not been held in greece before like?" - bloke in my local | | |
| Alan | "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler" - A. Einstein | | |
| Rhod G | "What date is Boxing Day this year?" - Bloke in Edinburgh Council Canteen | | |
| cisco kid | He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. | | |
| seamonsta | When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong bloody lane! | | |
| seamonsta | What happens if you get scared half to death - twice?? | | |
| seamonsta | 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. | | |
| seamonsta | Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have! | | |
| seamonsta | Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. | | |
| seamonsta | Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines... | | |
| seamonsta | A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory... | | |
| seamonsta | The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. | | |
| seamonsta | Always remember - half the people you know are below average. | | |
| seamonsta | Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happenned??" | | |
| Westair | When in doubt-panic | | |
| soluto_de_lugol | Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something. | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | "The second coming of Christ". That guy never really had much sex now, did he? | | |
| soluto_de_lugol | I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself. | | |
| vwboarderx | TARDIS This Ass Dumps In Space- Neil Armstrongs real first words | | |
| Bravo1 | Hate the sin, love the sinner | | |
| Bravo1 | Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress | | |
| Alan | On average, the people of Britain have marginally less than one testicle. | | |
| john | The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. | | |
| john | Would a fly without wings be called a walk? | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | Bays are for people that just can't afford a splitty. T25s are for people that just don't care about suchs things | | |
| 75swampy | I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb! | | |
| vwboarderx | Everybody is working hard or hardly working | | |
| mkid | i hope the sun shines today | | |
| mkid | who is that guy | | |
| cisco kid | john smeaton can believe its not butter. | | |
| cisco kid | a good friend will come bail you out of jail. a true friend will be sat next to you sayin "damn.... we f*cked up." | | |
| cisco kid | Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative. | | |
| keith | Opinions are like assholes, everybodys got one (Clint Eastwood) | | |
| cisco kid | It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road | | |
| metalbasher | its a small world.....but i wouldnt want to paint it. | | |
| metalbasher | where would we be without a sense of humour?..........germany. | | |
| cisco kid | the shop is open but there's nobody serving | | |
| metalbasher | im still having sex at 85...................i live at 84 so its not far to go. | | |
| soluto_de_lugol | Always listen to the van needs first, for it will never ask you for a divorce and leave you with half your fortune. | | |
| mkid | Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die! | | |
| mkid | However long the night, the dawn will break. | | |
| mkid | Rising early makes the road short. - Wolof proverb, Senegal | | |
| seamonsta | When you appear in court, your fate is in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury service. | | |
| seamonsta | Those who live by the sword tend to get shot by those who don't. | | |
| seamonsta | The things that come to those who wait will be the unwanted crap left by those who got there first. | | |
| seamonsta | Only Irish coffee provides all four essential food groups in a single glass : alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat! | | |
| ashleigh1972 | "we dont argue we discuss LOUDLY" | | |
| Davey | If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer. | | |
| Davey | Coffee isn't my cup of tea. | | |
| Davey | Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. | | |
| Davey | If you want to make enemies, try to change something. | | |
| Davey | A memorandum isn't written to inform the receiver, but to protect the writer. | | |
| billy | Why use a thousand words when F&%* off will do? – Exceptional Guitarist | | |
| billy | Where's the engine? | | |
| cisco kid | "May the Wombat of Happiness snuffle through your underbrush." | | |
| metalbasher | i,ll never forget my grandads last words......AAAAAAHHH! A TRUCK! | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | It's better to have loved and lost, than to be lost forever....where the hell am I? | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | Ik kan nu wel lekker een end in 't Nederlands gaan lullen, maar dat schiet ook weer voor geen meter op! | | |
| ron | freedom until lost is seldom valued! | | |
| ron | the way you listen, speaks volumes! | | |
| seamonsta | Whisky may not cure the common cold, but it fails more agreeably than most other things! | | |
| seamonsta | When one engine fails on a twin-engine plane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. | | |
| seamonsta | The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. | | |
| metalbasher | Life is about living single ,seeing double, and sleeping triple. | | |
| seamonsta | Junk is something you store for years but throw away the week before you actually need it! | | |
| seamonsta | "No - he didn't slam into you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... He RUBBED you! And rubbin, son, is racin'!" (Days Of Thunder) | | |
| seamonsta | Teenagers! Tired of being harassed by your stupid boring parents? Act Now! Move out, get a job, pay your own bills! Do it now - while you still know everything! | | |
| jigs | Who did eat all the pies????? | | |
| critters | Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? | | |
| critters | If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? | | |
| cisco kid | He who laughs last, obviously didnt get the joke. | | |
| moanthebairns | How can you hang a man for shootin a woman who tried to steal his horse? (Red-Headed Stranger) | | |
| andy syncro-nutz | God loves idiots! He made millions of them! | | |
| cisco kid | Yes, but no sprinkles. For every sprinkle I find, I shall KILL you.... | | |
| DeanMachine | 'Laugh' ive never laughed so much since ma granny got her **** caught in the mangle. | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? | | |
| klingon | Love, Peace, VW greese | | |
| doods | haloween the only night i can go out without getting abuse | | |
| keith | A ball joint without play is a seized ball joint (Kenny Grant Sept 08) | | |
| doods | sorry mate family forum | | |
| Lewy | What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts. | | |
| klingon | want fries with that? | | |
| klingon | You spend your life climbing the ladder of success only to find the ladder is against the wrong building | | |
| klingon | You needn't be afraid of a barking dog, but you should be afraid of a silent dog. | | |
| klingon | Why do they put braille on drive-through bank machines? | | |
| klingon | why is it that when your driving and looking for an adress, you turn down the radio? | | |
| critters | I don't mind going to work. It's the 8 hour wait to go home that I don't like!! | | |
| smudge78 | It's only illegal if you get caught! | | |
| Banni | He looks like a horse in a man costume! | | |
| Davey | In three words i can sum up everything i have learned about life: It goes on | | |
| hernandez | I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my Grandad, not kicking and screaming like his bus passengers | | |
| doozwah | Better to regret what you've done rather than what you've not done! | | |
| doozwah | If you can't take the ball, take the man - my Dad, and how i got into rugby | | |
| doozwah | Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it... a work colleague | | |
| doozwah | Give blood - play rugby | | |
| doozwah | If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow a flip-flop off of a one-legged budgie | | |
| hernandez | Early to rise, Early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and socially dead | | |
| murraydefender | "They're like chalk and cheese-you can't tell them apart"- from a good friend's missus. | | |
| hernandez | If you can't convince them. Baffle them with science | | |
| hernandez | If all actions have an equal and opposite reaction, then how come i'm always on the reaction end of vehicle maintainance, and not enjoying the action with everyone else | | |
| hernandez | Thousand to one shots usually happen nine times outta ten | | |
| hernandez | In oil and rust we put our trust | | |
| Alan | Dead fish go with the flow | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | You can't choose your parents but you can choose your in-laws (My Dad) | | |
| hernandez | My old man said stick to the plan and don't dilly dally on the way | | |
| hernandez | Cucumber, Wrong on soooo many levels | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in | | |
| Aitchy | My friends say I am pedantic, but I think I am mearly accurate | | |
| soluto_de_lugol | Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | "Are you bionic? No, I only love the women, but thank you" The Zohan | | |
| inspector_moss | Fishy, why are you sleeping??? | | |
| Lewy | Prior Preperation and Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance | | |
| Lewy | (Policeman last Tuesday) "Nice bus Sir, do you realise you were speeding".......(Me) "Wow COOL, can i have the picture, no-one will believe me!!!!!!" | | |
| Lewy | John Smeaton's daughter lost her virginity..... John got it back! | | |
| drunkenmunkey | "We're here for a good time, not a long time" Colin McRae RIP | | |
| seamonsta | Secret of enjoying good wine : 1. Open the bottle and allow it to breathe. 2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth... | | |
| pistolknight | he who laughs last....doesn't really get the joke. | | |
| klingon | if you can't drink and drive why do pubs have parking lots? | | |
| klingon | if oatmeal cookies are made from oats then what are girl scout cookies made out of? | | |
| seamonsta | There was this monkey with a banana and a tin opener. I said "You don't need a tin opener for a banana!" He said, "No, this is for the custard..." | | |
| seamonsta | I was having a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest...' | | |
| seamonsta | I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I could always give you an audition...' | | |
| klingon | revenge is a dish best served cold- Klingon proverb | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | Comfort and Cool Looks seldom go together | | |
| Willoughby | A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips | | |
| chazmcdonald | Youve Got The Body Of A God, To Bad Its Bloody Buddah!! | | |
| chazmcdonald | Touching Someones Car Is Like Kicking Smeones Dog, Just Shouldnt Be Done! | | |
| The Dutch Bloke | Save the Earth, don't waste water, drive AirCooled | | |
| cisco kid | A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single | | |
| Gonzo | Lefty loosey, righty tighty! | | |
| Scott | It's nice to be important but, it's more important to be nice - Scooter | | |
| Scott | You can lead a horse to water but, you cannie throw your granny off the bus - my gran | | |
| Scott | But, mummy, fat kids always win at see saw - child at my daughters nursery (refusing to play see saw) | | |
| hernandez | Chrome does indeed not get you home, but it does get you into girls pants | | |
| klingon | Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? | | |
| klingon | If at first you don't succeed, redefine success | | |
| playford | R.T.F.M !! | | |
| stephrnr | If you can keep your head, whilst all around are loosing theirs... You obviously don't understand the serious-ness of the situation. | | |
| seamonsta | Mr. Tickle married the girl of his dreams, however Tess was very reluctant to adopt his surname... | | |
| Mihai | he who laughs last is an idiot because he didn't understand the joke. | | |
| stephrnr | If a man speaks in a forrest and their is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong? | | |
| playford | It's not an oil leak, It's sweat from all the horse power. | | |
| playford | I can live longer without water than without air | | |
| Rod T25 | What if "the hokey pokey" is REALLY what it's all about?!! | | |
| Rod T25 | I was so ugly as a bairn my mother used to feed me with a catapult. | | |
| seamonsta | Horsepower is the force that determines at what speed you hit the wall. Torque is the force that determines how far you take the wall with you after you hit it... | | |
| 75swampy | People laugh at me because i'm different...I laugh at them because they are all the same. | | |
| stephen r | If a man speaks in a forrest and no one hears, is he still wrong? | | |
| jimpy | if you dont believe me ask me | | |
| hernandez | God loves idiots, thats why self righteous people proclaim there's millions of them | | |
| Jamusbass | The light at the end of the tunnel is probably an oncoming train | | |
| Jamusbass | Lottery: stupid tax | | |
| Jamusbass | It's always the same sometimes | | |
| Jamusbass | Need a new saying for "it's like painting the Forth Bridge" answers on a postcard! | | |
| Rod T25 | Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zig-zag? | | |
